My sisters and I Babies

Although seventeen years ago and now a grandchild each. I’m so so proud of these kiddios, they’ve experienced so much at this time, but all have come though with flying colours β€οΈπŸ™πŸ½


24/12/2016 4.05am

Laying in bed with my beautiful Granddaughter whilst it -5 out side. Second night in four nights first born and cheeky monkey decide to hit the bars, the night before Christmas Eve well it is Christmas Eve. Worried as any mum would be, I went out on the balcony to have another cig to be amazed by the bright shining stars lighting the sky up, as I look up asking the universe for a sign, but all I hear are wild dogs.

I treated myself to a full body massage with hot stones today to warm my brittle sore bones, oh it felt so good. As I went into total relaxation I imaged myself also receiving healing from the universe in a piramid all of a sudden I felt my spirit guide he bent over to kiss my third eye and said don’t give up! But as I lay here my back is on fire, electric shocks traveling like the speed of lightning. My heart beat beating so loud at the back of my head and my left ear throbbing so hard Nothing I do brings soothing or calm.

What am I doing here? Trying to bring joy to my family but at the same time disrespecting my pain that the univers feel fit for me to feel. One day maybe I will get to understand!

Pushing my boundariesΒ 

Pushing my personal boundaries with my osteoarthritis of the spine and fibromyalgia pain I decided to for first time since having my children to book into a off the grid yoga and meditation retreat in the mountains of Spain near Totana. The traveling was long, first a flight, then a bus to the train station followed by a two hour train journey, thank god I only bought hand luggage. 
I arrive at the retreat and wow in a Vally with so many lemon and orange trees. Sleeping in a bell tent with vegan food. Determined not to let my body rule my life. 
Day two and after four yoga classes, meditation and relaxing in the sun and feeling rather proud of myself, my pain I feel is subsiding. Totally light of the stresses of life. 

Positive JanuaryΒ 

Hello beautiful people, so so far I’ve cut out that horrid sugar, drinking more fused lemon water, meditated everyday, and feeling positive for it. 

I’m staying more in the here and now, I mean I have so many worries about selling my home due to disability, debt, daily pain. But seriously why worry about it!!! I’ve cut back my spending, eating to heal my body, there’s not a lot more I can do. I trust the universe. 

Every day I ask spirit for:




Stillness of the mind

Trust me it works, I even found my self asking for help the other day, I asked a gentleman if he could load my car boot with my shopping, saving me a little more spine pain. For me trust me that was a huge thing and do you know what! It sounded and felt good. A massive hurdle for me. Happy days πŸ’›

Sometimes I wish my gut feeling to be wrong

For the last five days I’ve had a massive flare up, trying to make use of my time I thought I’d get more meditation in for pain relief “It Works” 

But I’ve also had this very strong gut feeling my first love is being deceitful, any excuse to talk things through I get ” then why would you want to stay with me if I can’t make you feel happy” 

Easy way out I’d say Mr Nice Guy!!! 

So feeling loss & confusedΒ 

I went to see my old friend Jenny today, we met many years ago in a spiritual church, just after my little sister passed away. Clicked right away, she was sat in the audience noting mediams conversations and giving them to the people connected. Not been for a reading for about three years, but felt the urge. Although met for coffees with other friends. She’s an amazing woman been tested all her life, but you won’t find any one better Β to connect to the spirit world. I found my faith being questioned, but no longer.

The main things worring me at the mo, is my shared ownership housing now I’m unable to work & once again my relationship. But more than that, the fact of only one person that really knows me my wifey, it would be so touching to have my sister (who’s passed) my brothers or my mother to discuss such worrying desissions with. Sometimes the loneliness and rejection can be to much.

At least I have the spirit world “who have never let me down” they have kept me sane, cos there’s no judgment only love.

Soz back tomorrow, feeling poo, bad pain day. My new saying so I don’t sound like I’m moaning laugh out load. Lol.

Within minutes of arriving Jenny asked if I’d sneaked in to ICU to see a friend that has now passed. Which I did and her anniversary just passed. Straight away I got a bollocking about neglecting my health and making light heart of it all the time, to keep my eyes on my boy friend, she doesn’t want the piss taken out of me again!!! Loved her so, alway said it how it was. I must run her children’s Christmas presents round.

Then the name Jolly Rog was said, a father figure. He wants a few to know he’s still around and heard the conversation before is passing even though he couldn’t reply. Telling me to read the small print and not to worry, this time next year will be in a better place. Also told that spirit want me to see what my boy friends up too, a little worring as I thought all was okay, other than he’s been working extra night shifts!!! manipulation, need to put my foot down and speak up when I’m feeling hurt. Putting up with bad treatment because of pain, sweeping things under the carpet.

All in all I felt better being informed by my loved ones in spirit, I will be okay.

Not wanting much, just feeling loss as I need to sell my house due to bad health and everyone appreciates “Home is where the heart is”

Red mist

When will I learn!!! Wine is my demons. It lifts the lid of all my lack of self ateam.

What people don’t realise is just for a couple of hours it kills my nagging burning pain of my spine. Having to give up abilities is frustrating enough. But the red mist is damaging to others, which is a no go area. I dislike what I turn into, but need to be mindful about the line I must not cross!