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Well Mum came home yesterday by ambulance. The ambulance men where so gentle and caring with a sense of humour too. My elder brother bless him, is a flapper and controlling but that’s how he’s coped with life after the sudden death of our sister in 2000.

It’s all happened so quickly, absolutely a best seller our life’s, mainly through circumstances totally unbelievable. But saying that I’ve met many people with extreme life’s one way or another.

Mums finding it hard in one way, dignity but life’s a circle and comes to us all one way or another. I totally understand the mental toucher when your body lets you down obviously not to this extreme, it makes you defensive etc.

This morning the most beautiful human came to see mum she’s nearly sixty and done this job since she was sixteen. So loving and made Mum feel at ease with everything. Between us we had a lazy sleepy day. Midge came home too, Mums collie dog, he took his time settling in again. My elder brother came in too from work.

But tonight Mum had extreme pain. I could see her struggling with it and told her not to be stubborn there’s no need to be in pain. Bone cancer that’s the Second Mums Brother Uncle Roger too died three years ago from it. I’ve been trying to get hold of cannabis oil with no avail!! As I have baked cannabis in my nightly yogurt and swear by it for my spinal problems, but as Mums on morphine she certainly doesn’t need to get high.

I have a question… Has a member of the Royal Family ever died or had cancer?

24/12/2016 4.05am


Laying in bed with my beautiful Granddaughter whilst it -5 out side. Second night in four nights first born and cheeky monkey decide to hit the bars, the night before Christmas Eve well it is Christmas Eve. Worried as any mum would be, I went out on the balcony to have another cig to be amazed by the bright shining stars lighting the sky up, as I look up asking the universe for a sign, but all I hear are wild dogs.

I treated myself to a full body massage with hot stones today to warm my brittle sore bones, oh it felt so good. As I went into total relaxation I imaged myself also receiving healing from the universe in a piramid all of a sudden I felt my spirit guide he bent over to kiss my third eye and said don’t give up! But as I lay here my back is on fire, electric shocks traveling like the speed of lightning. My heart beat beating so loud at the back of my head and my left ear throbbing so hard Nothing I do brings soothing or calm.

What am I doing here? Trying to bring joy to my family but at the same time disrespecting my pain that the univers feel fit for me to feel. One day maybe I will get to understand!

Pushing my boundaries 


Pushing my personal boundaries with my osteoarthritis of the spine and fibromyalgia pain I decided to for first time since having my children to book into a off the grid yoga and meditation retreat in the mountains of Spain near Totana. The traveling was long, first a flight, then a bus to the train station followed by a two hour train journey, thank god I only bought hand luggage. 
I arrive at the retreat and wow in a Vally with so many lemon and orange trees. Sleeping in a bell tent with vegan food. Determined not to let my body rule my life. 
Day two and after four yoga classes, meditation and relaxing in the sun and feeling rather proud of myself, my pain I feel is subsiding. Totally light of the stresses of life. 

Positive January 


Hello beautiful people, so so far I’ve cut out that horrid sugar, drinking more fused lemon water, meditated everyday, and feeling positive for it. 

I’m staying more in the here and now, I mean I have so many worries about selling my home due to disability, debt, daily pain. But seriously why worry about it!!! I’ve cut back my spending, eating to heal my body, there’s not a lot more I can do. I trust the universe. 

Every day I ask spirit for:

Healing

Strength

Courage 

Stillness of the mind

Trust me it works, I even found my self asking for help the other day, I asked a gentleman if he could load my car boot with my shopping, saving me a little more spine pain. For me trust me that was a huge thing and do you know what! It sounded and felt good. A massive hurdle for me. Happy days 💛

Sometimes I wish my gut feeling to be wrong


For the last five days I’ve had a massive flare up, trying to make use of my time I thought I’d get more meditation in for pain relief “It Works” 

But I’ve also had this very strong gut feeling my first love is being deceitful, any excuse to talk things through I get ” then why would you want to stay with me if I can’t make you feel happy” 

Easy way out I’d say Mr Nice Guy!!!