Tag Archives: journey

18 years RIP little Sister

Today was the day you where taken so young at 33 eighteen years, yesterday Mum left us to be with you her heart broken but now at peace with you soon to be flying high.

Welcome Mum with open arms and show her the way. What a journey our life’s have been although we had some real crazy times I hold close to my heart until we meet again.



Well Mum came home yesterday by ambulance. The ambulance men where so gentle and caring with a sense of humour too. My elder brother bless him, is a flapper and controlling but that’s how he’s coped with life after the sudden death of our sister in 2000.

It’s all happened so quickly, absolutely a best seller our life’s, mainly through circumstances totally unbelievable. But saying that I’ve met many people with extreme life’s one way or another.

Mums finding it hard in one way, dignity but life’s a circle and comes to us all one way or another. I totally understand the mental toucher when your body lets you down obviously not to this extreme, it makes you defensive etc.

This morning the most beautiful human came to see mum she’s nearly sixty and done this job since she was sixteen. So loving and made Mum feel at ease with everything. Between us we had a lazy sleepy day. Midge came home too, Mums collie dog, he took his time settling in again. My elder brother came in too from work.

But tonight Mum had extreme pain. I could see her struggling with it and told her not to be stubborn there’s no need to be in pain. Bone cancer that’s the Second Mums Brother Uncle Roger too died three years ago from it. I’ve been trying to get hold of cannabis oil with no avail!! As I have baked cannabis in my nightly yogurt and swear by it for my spinal problems, but as Mums on morphine she certainly doesn’t need to get high.

I have a question… Has a member of the Royal Family ever died or had cancer?

Fortune favours the brave… the biggest risk in life is never taking one!!!

Funny how life and timing works out, selling my home was one of the biggest decisions I’ve had for many a year. But I done it.

But the universe wanted to slow me down! Firstly pneumonia then having to come back from Spain after only a month instead of six months. Hospital appointments and the gut reneging news of Mum after three months of having a bad back it turns out to be terminal cancer. Why universe why. Everything has changed.

Mum and I haven’t had the greatest of relationships but I sure don’t wish this on her. She’s only seventy. As I had no fix abo obviously I came up-to Mums with my suitcase. The hospital is only a ten minute drive, so nicer to be closer. Feels so wrong sleeping in Mums bed let alone being in her home alone. But the timing has aloud this move! Mum looks so much smaller, her legs aren’t working properly due to the tumour and has another visit to Southampton Monday to she the Drs about possible new treatment, Mum has said that she want quality not quantity and I’m behind her a hundred percent on that one. Why fill your body with such toxic chemicals.

My heart is hoping that with this time and hopefully she may come home Tuesday that we can heal our relationship. It’s a crazy sad life but also can be a beautiful one to.

Monday 6th January 2016 1.47am

Quite time!!!!!

Tuesday, have a house day music josh sticks, calm and clean my home. I’ve worked for so hard. Single mum worked from the age of fourteen, through both my babies. I was car valeting with 2nd born till I was 8 months gone. Where did that come from.

I’m going to discribe my chronic pain, if I can. Reason why, is because it’s the footing of my future.

So I get into bed, normally about 11.30 to midnight. Melt into the bed like ooooh, why did I not do this earlier, then from five minutes it works it self from bliss to Unberible so beginins the shifting and flying limps.

switching on my electric blanket, heat working up into my back. At the moment it feels like my should blades are sticking out about 15 inches but being held up by sold knots, my neck feels so brittle it’s going to snap, the hot burning pain pushing through and up over my head.

I’m hot, then cold mentally frustrated to the point of creaming the world into a volcano.

My First Borns 28th ❤️

Yep my first born turned 28 today, got me thinking of all we’ve experienced in those 28 years. Oh my……back later big kiss xxxxxx

Before having first born I had no self confidence at all well it was not allowed growing up.

All of a sudden I had this little bundle of love that I actually gave birth to, yes me. Twenty three years of age, so amazed. I turned in to a lioness and my life took a turn for the better. To be honest Ive never looked back.

Big green eyes looking at me, dimples, Curley hair all though she looked like a punk when her baby hair wore off on the sides of her head. But jeez I did that, yep me. Her father and I split permanently by the time she reached three, after spending six months in Australia, let’s just say it was not to be. But my god I thank him for pregnating me with this bundle of love.