Explaining spoon theory
Was meant to be heading back to my children today but I can hardly walk, the rain is heavy and a day full. Back burning my head bounding, my feet are curled up with what I imagined razor blades going through them fibromyalgia flare up with revenge. The reason I was renting in Spain before mums terminal diagnosis. Half the price too. Physical and mental pain rolled into one, but I’m still here to see, feel, hear and smell our beautiful universe.
I’m met my elder Brother at the undertakers to choose Mums stationery and coffin for her funeral, we both agreed on light oak and the same stationary for the order of service which was an experience. I mentioned the large Rose quart my younger brother and I placed in Mums hand as she passed into the spirit world, as Mums being cremated she will give it back to us once they’ve prepared Mum for the funeral, which I will cherish. As my brother walked out rushing, I turned to give the young lady a cuddle, that we sat with, she was so loving and caring.
We crossed the road to the florist to arrange the flowers which once agin we agreed on, thinking we’d get a quote but my Brother said no I have things to do today and paid there and then on his company credit card before just walking out with no thank you’d. Again the ladies where so caring so more cuddles I gave. So off I went alone, drinking coffee in the sunshine, thinking jeez rush rush rush and control control control I suppose it’s just his way as that’s the way he’s become so successful. But is he happy!!
Returning back to Mums I took Mitch for a walk and found myself in the local church yard, sitting awhile being mindful of my surroundings, how peaceful. There’s something about churches I adore but don’t get me wrong as again I find them controlling again all about money! But just sitting there closing my eyes the sun on my face, the birds singing away and the fresh air blowing around me I felt peace!
While looking at my photos, the bottom two notice the orbs!
Mitch is my new friend, since my Mum passing he’s like a shadow. We walk everyday admittedly not far as my body’s pained. He sleeps with me in his own pillow, he even lays beside me whilst I do my morning stretch yoga. We will both be broken once we find a loving home, as I’m moving the begging of April into my rented accommodation, sadly they don’t allow pets.
My eldest Daughter put a photo of her and her Nan on Facebook having a cuddle in a hospital bed, to me it showed loving love after all she is the eldest Grandchild.
But then my eldest Brother logged in to Mums Facebook and wrote a bitter selfish comment. As you can imagine my daughter freaked out seeing a notification from her Nan who’s just passed on to spirit, she’s feels broken.
There’s no book on grieving and obviously everyone is different, different memories different relationships. Social media is how their generation communicated to express their feelings.
My Brother which I’m afraid has a controlling personality saw the picture differently which is also his provocative, but logging in to Mums account and writing on my Daughters profile was unexceptionable, letter alone what he wrote. Amazingly I stayed calm as I’m sat her in my Mums house. Emotions will flow.
Today was the day you where taken so young at 33 eighteen years, yesterday Mum left us to be with you her heart broken but now at peace with you soon to be flying high.
Welcome Mum with open arms and show her the way. What a journey our life’s have been although we had some real crazy times I hold close to my heart until we meet again.