How your emotions can change in a week

Any way, how the weeks can change.  Last week I was full of positive vibes from Beautiful Reiki.  Giving Reiki healing is so warm, light, energizing my Niece   came over for healing after a nasty experience.  She loves the spirit world, asking questions on my believes & where to start.  She’s started to travel on a loving positive journey & proud of her energy & enthusiasm.

my lovely week finished with a bang, not just a bang but an explosion of pent-up denial, soul-destroying behaviour.  Whilst on such strong medication for my spinal Degenerative Disc Disease & Osteoarthritis one MUST NOT DRINK.

A beautiful loving family wedding, which ended up with me totally exploding. Like a crack of lightning snapping from the sky’s.  Totally humiliating my Three Daughters & other family members.  Family where trying to calm me.  But in that state I’m like a wild horse totally uncontrollable.   Until I caught the step with my toe & face planted.

awaking up in hospital with eight stitched to my ear & a face like a jigsaw.  My neck was scanned showing a shadow which I believe is the Fusion on C5-6 C7-8 how luck was I not to undo my Surgeons work.

Awaking totally ashamed apologies where need…….

friends & family asking how I was, when I truly didn’t deserve their concern.  You see the positive that has raised from this, is ACCEPTANCE  I can no longer do the thing I use to be able too, without thinking.  Pregabalin, Citalopram & Codeine should not be mixed with alcohol.  I have to accept this pain will never go away & life changes are needed.   I am alive to watch with pride my three Daughter & Grandchildren grow & enjoy their life’s which is more than my sister that passed at thirty-three.

i may have never had a Mother or Father that excepted, loved, encourage & guided me. But it’s a lot more than many other have had.

My insecurities have grown due to my spinal issues, my surroundings & finances.  I’m holding on to my house my the skin of my teeth but can’t let go.


1 – Mobility

2 – Daily Pain

3 – To cut the Cord To my Mother

4 – Loss of income

5 – Taking time


1 – My Daughters & Granddaughter

2 – My Partner

3 – Food in my Belly

4 – NHS

5 – Still have a nice Bottom lol

6 – The Roof over my head




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