I popped in to my local small town the sun was shining and I felt uplifted as I managed to leave my comfort zone. As I walked Down the street I lovely old man was walking towards me I smiled and he said to me @ thank you for that smile” I felt so grateful that I made someone smile.
For help to find the correct path to reach my goal of owning a Chill Out Retreat in a warm Country. Somewhere for myself and others to just chill out with nature maybe yoga, healing and meditation for those that’s are feeling loss not forgetting the disabled with pain management with fun, love and laughter.
Because she can.
To day I’m great full for my life I live
To day I’m great full for my cottage
To day I’m great full for the sunshine
To day I’m great full for the birds singling
To day I’m great full my Daughters
To day I’m great full for the love they bring
I do believe
I’ve been going to drumming meditation and wow what experiences I’ve had. Just fantastic, my first I found myself walking in to the forest then a white rabbit crossed my path very strange as the environment was more outback then in a healing tent with an old Indian lady and her elders all of a sudden I could feel them pulling this illness from my neck like a long snake that just kept coming and coming but I could feel the tugging on my neck.
The second week as I was walking through the tall forest a young deer came to greet me, feeling shocked as for all the years I’ve been meditating I’ve always had a buffalo great me to take me to my destination. Along the path I picked up a catapult which I felt was to shoot me along my path. But as I lay there my hands got so hot it was making me sweat, with massive tubes of energy coming from my hands up into the universe it was amazing.
The day had come, my girls all travel up together and met us at the funeral directors . As we all walked over I look with pride my three girls and son in law, they’d all been to so many funerals in their short life’s, as we all gathered my elder Brother with his family, my younger Brother with his friends.
The hurst pulled up, big lump in my throat it was real, one by one we got in to the two other cars. The journey to the crematorium seemed to take hours. As we palled up Conkie was waiting, he made his own way there as he and his little family where flying off on holiday. Uncle Robin was there with Auntie Reany, massive hugs with uncle robin, cousins a few friends that grew up with us and the parties mum use to through.
Entering the chapel we took our seats, as I looked back my two brothers where carrying Mum in, their faces the pain was oozing from them. The reverent was such a lovely man, as he began to talk about Mum her sense of humor came through a long with my little sister that passed eighteen years ago, it was as if she was there with us.
The reverent went on to tell my brothers memories and my thanks which read like this;
I was truly blessed to have ten days looking after Mum in her home, after mum leaving Lymington hospital.
Mum was a true warrior through her pain, also keeping her sense of humour shouting with a giggle where’s my tea!
Twice we watched “Back in time for tea” we watched firstly the 1960 reflecting how the world was, being born in 1964 ouch the conversation rolled along, one comment which we’ve always said “We can draw our pension together” the second was the 1970 and how our World had changed. Both moaning like a couple of old ladies about processed food and gadgets.
Little did I know these would be very special memories to me, as even though Mum was terminal I never quite believed it.
As I stood there I felt tears rolling down my face which is not like me, as I swore to my self when leaving home at sixteen I would never cry for myself. Maybe the sadness as it could of been so so different or the fact we’d reached full circle “it was over” I looked along at my girls all tears rolling my Brothers too. It was real Mum had really died and all within six weeks.
Leaving the chapel Rod Stewart played “For ever young”
We all made our way back to the smugglers, as wakes go it was small sweet and pleasant. The night before I had two bottles of red wine with a friend, which helped me zoom out but by this time I was feeling it. I made my way around the room talking to everyone Auntie Reney was going on about my Mums drunken phone calls and soon uncle Robin too, yes she was a erratic alcohol and we never saw eye to eye, but really why talk about it today. I pointed out it was an illness and how I hoped one day just one day Mum would except me.
Slowly everyone started to leave, I came back to Mums with my friends and had an afternoon nap, shower then back to the smugglers for dinner. That evening my elder brother hit the bottle and text me saying how lovely my girls are and said well done, and yes “she is like me” I immediately replied Sophie? As they had words two days afterMums passing.
So today I’ve just sat here, in Mums house, now what? I sold my home, to rent in Spain to improve my quality of life, managed to get out the contact when Mum was taken ill now I’ve nearly signed on a tiny two bed cottage paying up front as I don’t work to once again stop and revaluate my life. But first I’m going on holiday with my Granddaughter as I’m craving innocence and feel I’ve neglected her since the beginning of the year.