Whilst waiting for our room we sat around the pool area I noticed the dirt, the sun loungers where filthy the floor was filthy and the lounger tables and I mean filthy. I let it go over my head thinking I’m just over tired and everything will be okay.
Once our room was ready I pulled out my bed a sofa bed omg I’d never seen anything like it, so I decided to pull back the old stained sheets on my Granddaughters and Daughters bed that was the final straw. There was white crispy bits and black eggs no way was my granddaughter sleeping on that. The manager was rude. So I started to search the internet for another hotel. I asked my daughter to take a walk and take photographs for evidence. Thank god I had my credit card, managing to book another hotel.
I stopped just for a minute and had a mini brake down. What a bloody months. Spain home, nurse my mum and watch her die, pack her house and all I wanted was sunshine, a clean bed and healing time with my granddaughter.
After grabbing a taxi we arrived at our next hotel. Yes, yes yes I Shouted it’s clean and with a view thank the lord another £1086 now but at this stage I didn’t give a monkey.
Would you sleep here? Never in my life have I come across such a filthy place. I’ve stayed in hostels three star hotels, my god I’m being tested!
I’ve been here at Mums seven weeks now, I’ve never felt so tired and lonely but as I lie here in bed with Mitch at the other end with his own pillow. Since December 2017 I’ve recovered from a week in hospital with pneumonia, packed and moved out of my home, my belongings in four different locations, driven over to Spain with a friend signed up on a six month contract on a small two bed bungalow with pool for €250 each. Flue back to the UK for a lung check up, within days of landing I was told my Mum had terminal cancer, obviously I cancelled spain and moved here to stay with mum who passed away two weeks today.
I keep thinking of the blessing in having ten days of looking after mum even though in a hospital bed down stairs we had a little time together with no interference from other family members or alcohol. It was a true blessing after our toxic and manipulative relationship over the last fifty four years the circle is complete.
We met the vicar yesterday that’s leading Mums funeral we covered the service and how it will flow, the Vicar then asked the three of us to come up with an old memory each to add to the service, we have until Monday. I sat there and my mind was a blank, not one nice memory came forward in my mind, this can’t possibly be right!! Other than the ten days of looking after mum before passing to the spirit world.
I must pull myself together, this is not the way forward. I’m flying in nine days with my Granddaughter for ten days, I’m craving innocence, special time with Boo. I’ve neglected her since selling my home, once I arrive back hopefully I will be moving in to number 3. A tiny weeny cottage hidden off the high street. Six months to decide which way to go just sitting still and not having to run anymore.
You can not be unworthy or unloveable
But you can believe you are
Everyone you know has struggled with these beliefs!
You have nothing to hide from, being caught up in our fears stops us from seeing the bigger picture. Everyone has flaws, these are cracks where the light can shine through for growth.
You are a special beautiful being shine your light 🙏🏽
That Full Moon rising is magnificent.
Blessings Dear Friends and Family x
It seems circumstances once again change my path. I sold my home due to debt and psychical pain, and the emotional that comes with it. Plan to spend the winter in Spain as its dryer than the UK.
My Mum has now been diagnosed with terminal cancer and still in hospital, so as of next week I’m moving in with Mum to take care of her. Those that read my blog will know the kind of relationship I’ve had with my Mum over my fifty three years, not one of love but bitterness and anger. I admit I’m a little scared of how we will get on. But at the end of the day I feel I need to do this! For both of us.
Day before leaving for Spain by ferry, due to not having my home I arrange a Christmas family meal. How proud am I
Absolutely adore this photo, this is how I feel when I’m walking with trees. Passionate energy.