Pneumonia 1

So now four days into my hospital treatment, five injections of antibiotics, steroids, inhalers and 24 hours oxygen per day, but in all fairness I have air in my lungs. I know I try the holistic approach with my other health problems but think I would of ended up dead without this time.

So since being in, I’ve put my house off, they can’t move in on the 27th now a week tomorrow I’m not even packed and with these lungs well not at the moment.

My Daughters have been in because we like a laugh when old mums in hospital due to my lack of word pronouncing. Always seem to turn out a little rude somehow.

T pooped in yesterday then Maxine, giving tim the red light to leave. It was actually really nice having a chat with Maxine we’ve known each other since we where born.

After settled down after diner I received a quick and I mean quick call from him saying I’m popping up the Arther and golf tomorrow. When he’d already told me he’d finished for the season.

I sat and thought! Mm bullshit so sent him a text asking ” are you with her? And while I’m in hospital?”

No I’m not don’t worry I’m ok and I promise you I’m playing golf I’ll get nick to speak to you from golf club. I’m meeting him for a quick beer before they go to comedy club. Ok x



Taken into hospital yesterday with pneumonia some people would say whoop whoop she can’t speak. I’m not joking I could not say one word, I literary had no air in my lungs not forgetting I do breath work and yoga, so they should be pretty present. I actually thought I was going to suffocate.

Walking straight in to A & E and taken straight through, almost felt bad as if I was pushing in. But I’d never felt so ill with the amount of times I’ve been in this hospital with operations I should have shares in the NHS.

There where four trollies in the hallway a quite midday, before I knew it apparently from my obs I was close to sepsis thank god I’m clear full blown pneumonia. By early evening I had a bed on a ward. These wonderful people work under so much pressure with little resources. As I was driven into the hospital there’s an estate of around two hundred new homes and a further nine hundred in the village near me. But no new hospitals or Extensions. Very scary where will it end the money making tests that probably have private medical!!!!!!

When your legs don’t work like the use to

I can feel it slipping away, as I stand and here my knees about to collapse like Sunday, when I started to stand up  and found myself on the floor, my leg was totally numb like it wasn’t there. No warning like pins and needles. 

Reminds me of a song, Evergreen!

When your legs don’t work like they use too haha 

How do you make such a large Decision? Help appreciated 

So my shared ownership home is underoffer and in the hands of solicitors. Reason being, due to my health and disability I have over time got into debt. Now all my children have left and have their own life’s to lead it’s also a empty nest. Once the sale go’s through I will leave with a lump of money but not enough to buy. As I’m on benefits, they will end until my equity is down to £6k in other words I will have to live on my equity. It breaks my heart as this home is still the HOME. My debt aren’t high compared to others in total £6k. I worked so hard as a one parent family to keep this happy home. 

So I can move in to my man friends place for a while and do winter months in Spain (better for my health) and if we work I could maybe get a rent to buy having a biggish deposit. That way I’m safeguarding my equity. 

Or go it alone, dead rent but who knows what’s round the corner? 

Or cancel the sale on his word, rent his place out, as he mortgage free which would cover my mortgage and a winter rent in spain. But this would mean him moving in, which would be great if only I can trust his word!!!

You see he’s been unfaithful twice and I’ve forgiven him! It was his ex of 16 years and I know in my heart he has no future with her as they’ve not lived together for over twelve years. An on off toxic relationship. I believe it’s a phyisical attraction. He takes her to nice expensive places in return for sex. He’s sixty years old but when together we really enjoy each others company, laugh, eat the same foods and have the same dreams.

So what the hell am I going to do, this home will be worth a bomb in the future it has so much prudential. 


So I’m sat here three days after coming home, I’ve still not eat meat and stuck to my lemon and ginger tea and black coffee of cause. I’m still meditating every day and working of my throats chakra. 

But back to reality, my home is sold and in the hands of the solicitors. I viewed a one bedroom shared ownership flat and applied for it. As it will keep my equity in bricks and water, if I am lucky enough to get it, I would have enough left over to rent in spain for the winter, to see if it gives me a better quality of life out of the rain. If not then I shall go with the flow. I’ve just decided to apply for my wife’s (My trusted friend)  home which is local council so there’s three options, buy, rent or go with the flow. 

I’ve spoke to cheeky money and boyfriend in Australia and tomorrow catch up with diner with firstborn and my granddaughter. Hopefully see Bubba Monday as she’s at another festival a right little raver!

And the ex, well what can I say! He came round Thursday unexpected for coffee, asked me out for diner with his sister and brother in law Friday night, I went as it’s all to do about Spain they have purchased a big villa which they move into in October. Anyway we had a lovely meal (Vegitarian) I had two glasses of wine to his one bottle then went back to his for more drinks. They all had gin and tonic I put the kettle on for green tea, oh go on have a proper drink he says, no thank you I replied. Aventully they went. Then he was getting really bad chest pains and said I’m ok, I’m just like you it’s only pain! Mm I thought. We want to bed once I’d changed his sheets, got in with my knickers on to which he moaned. I said we have a lot to talk about and as far as I’m concerned I’m single and now was not the time to talk as he could hardly stand up. 

In the morning He took me home as he was going to Bournemouth with his mates for a night out and golf on Sunday “really”

What the hell am I doing???? I need to go to Spain with him to get my name off the joint Bank account. Also to view appartments. He showed me a place for sale, I said we agreed to rent six months to one see if we get on as a couple, two to see if spains for us. We might make it or go our separate ways. 

So we’ve agreed to talk Monday! I’m really hoping I get to hear about the flat to buy by next week as my money will be safe and I can always sell later. 

Why if he’s not sexual attracted to me or love me would he want to be in spain with me!! My money all though not a lot? He couldn’t do it with out a woman? He’s scared? I’m a safe option? 

When all though sixty, he’s still going out with his mates, sleeping with his ex which I really feel is a sad habit as they’ve not lived together for fourteen years just played. He has to spend money on her posh places in exchange for sex! As I’m writing this I realise what a sad Manhe is an addicted nature, with big dreams but lots of stress. I know, I can feel it there is good inside him but is it my job to find it!

I know in my heart it won’t work as I can’t trust him so what am I doing? I wasn’t even hurt or shocked when I’ve found out three times he’s been back to his ex. 

I seem to be so grounded but my voice is getting stronger as in saying no when I feel I should but not wiped him out of my life yet. Very strange. 

Organic homegrown herbs 

Last time I will be growing my herbs, salad and veggies in my lovely garden. Having lived here for fourteen years our happy home after my beautiful sister passing away in 2000.

Everything comes to an end, due to disability and debt it’s time to say good by. But all four kiddys have their own life’s now and they’ve all done so well, my heart pumps with pride.

So another eight weeks and new beginning start again. My last chapter 🙏🏽