So I’m sat here three days after coming home, I’ve still not eat meat and stuck to my lemon and ginger tea and black coffee of cause. I’m still meditating every day and working of my throats chakra.
But back to reality, my home is sold and in the hands of the solicitors. I viewed a one bedroom shared ownership flat and applied for it. As it will keep my equity in bricks and water, if I am lucky enough to get it, I would have enough left over to rent in spain for the winter, to see if it gives me a better quality of life out of the rain. If not then I shall go with the flow. I’ve just decided to apply for my wife’s (My trusted friend) home which is local council so there’s three options, buy, rent or go with the flow.
I’ve spoke to cheeky money and boyfriend in Australia and tomorrow catch up with diner with firstborn and my granddaughter. Hopefully see Bubba Monday as she’s at another festival a right little raver!
And the ex, well what can I say! He came round Thursday unexpected for coffee, asked me out for diner with his sister and brother in law Friday night, I went as it’s all to do about Spain they have purchased a big villa which they move into in October. Anyway we had a lovely meal (Vegitarian) I had two glasses of wine to his one bottle then went back to his for more drinks. They all had gin and tonic I put the kettle on for green tea, oh go on have a proper drink he says, no thank you I replied. Aventully they went. Then he was getting really bad chest pains and said I’m ok, I’m just like you it’s only pain! Mm I thought. We want to bed once I’d changed his sheets, got in with my knickers on to which he moaned. I said we have a lot to talk about and as far as I’m concerned I’m single and now was not the time to talk as he could hardly stand up.
In the morning He took me home as he was going to Bournemouth with his mates for a night out and golf on Sunday “really”
What the hell am I doing???? I need to go to Spain with him to get my name off the joint Bank account. Also to view appartments. He showed me a place for sale, I said we agreed to rent six months to one see if we get on as a couple, two to see if spains for us. We might make it or go our separate ways.
So we’ve agreed to talk Monday! I’m really hoping I get to hear about the flat to buy by next week as my money will be safe and I can always sell later.
Why if he’s not sexual attracted to me or love me would he want to be in spain with me!! My money all though not a lot? He couldn’t do it with out a woman? He’s scared? I’m a safe option?
When all though sixty, he’s still going out with his mates, sleeping with his ex which I really feel is a sad habit as they’ve not lived together for fourteen years just played. He has to spend money on her posh places in exchange for sex! As I’m writing this I realise what a sad Manhe is an addicted nature, with big dreams but lots of stress. I know, I can feel it there is good inside him but is it my job to find it!
I know in my heart it won’t work as I can’t trust him so what am I doing? I wasn’t even hurt or shocked when I’ve found out three times he’s been back to his ex.
I seem to be so grounded but my voice is getting stronger as in saying no when I feel I should but not wiped him out of my life yet. Very strange.