I must be crazy!


Two weeks since we split due to him going back to his Ex of sixteen years, for the second time behind my back. 

I’ve spent this time, working on myself as I know I’m far from perfect. So I thought I’d put the negatives energy to good use. In my day to day life I forgive, I trust, I love and I continue to grow.  But once I have a drink of wine and don’t know my limits due to medication, my hurt and pain raise it’s nasty head, although I’ve dealt with theses feelings for some reason my subconscious refuses to heal and forget.

Twice this year I’ve found myself on the Shanan path, intrigued as from an early age I’ve always believed in the Red Indian way of life and their beliefs. I’m always attracted to turquoise, believe if we need to kill something then nothing should go to waist, life is a circle and for every natural decease there’s a gift from Mother Nature to cure it. So the first time I started looking into it was January 2017 recovering from my kidney operation and wow that was a tuff one. And now again after a deceitful relationship, strangely enough when I found out, I was so calm I need to ask my kind friend Lisa to help me understand why. Maybe due to my chronic pain raising, I have more things to contend with. 

What was the reason, I ask?


Again, he cheats! Out and about after a loving day and fun night.  synchronization happens again, whilst in the supermarket with him, then a woman walks in. I look as I seem to know her our eyes glaze at each other, then she walks over. I was more shocked at her language than what she had to say.  Anyway she told me he spent the weekend with her and Monday and Thursday. And to think Friday he bought his son round about renting my house whilst we live in spain!! What a human. But the universe helped synchronization for my heart and future. 

My reaction was zero, I still went back to his, calm and remained calm. The next day I went home and even cooked him a roast. We spoke a little, he tried to put the blame on her, when in real he’s played us both, I feel for her 16 years in a angry disfunctional relationship “On Off, On Off”

He popped round Thursday, to say he’s not slept since last Friday and his guilt is killing him, he knows I could never trust his word again, still remaining calm if anything felt for him and the actions he seems to have done wrong by many people in his life that it’s lead him to sleepless nights and alcohol.

House going back on the market, I do believe that I unsubconsciously I’ve been looking for someone that I could fall in love with that maybe as one we could save this home, the home which is the happy place and core of my family since the passing of my sister. All four children have lived here but now all moved on with their own life’s. 

Now I shall grab it, sell it and embrace my new future.