Full Moon


That Full Moon rising is magnificent.

Blessings Dear Friends and Family x

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Where is my life taking me!


It seems circumstances once again change my path. I sold my home due to debt and psychical pain, and the emotional that comes with it. Plan to spend the winter in Spain as its dryer than the UK.

My Mum has now been diagnosed with terminal cancer and still in hospital, so as of next week I’m moving in with Mum to take care of her. Those that read my blog will know the kind of relationship I’ve had with my Mum over my fifty three years, not one of love but bitterness and anger. I admit I’m a little scared of how we will get on. But at the end of the day I feel I need to do this! For both of us.

Waking up


Spent the day viewing properties to rent then all of a sudden, it was like waking up “what are you doing” Mums been given four to six months to live, I’ve already offered to stay at Mums to help look after her. I would like someone to stay with me if I was bed ridden.

So I’ve purchased a new car, one with heated seats, reverse camera and good suspension, as now I’m focusing on the situation at present and that’s Mum. I should be able to drive to her now, rather than getting lifts.

Spoke to Mum on the phone, she seems so at ease with the fact she’s terminal, really calm!

Prognosis


Today we had the news of four to six months maybe a bit longer! The NHS are giving radiotherapy today, trying to shrink the tumour at the base of Mums spine to protect the use of her arm as her legs are already affected.

Bob my eldest brother has been beside Mum side through it all, but with Beege and myself living an hour and a half away makes it awkward. Although once again I said I’m more than willing to come down and stay at Mums. I mean why not, there’s two bedrooms I could look after mums dog Mitch.

I’m sleeping in my Granddaughters bed as after selling my home my intention was to carry on renting in spain, obviously this will know longer be the case.

I’m still numb as in the way I feel, I’m scared Mums going to pass away with more rejection and bitterness. We should all be sharing love and building memories!

Visit


I traveled up to mum with sophie (Baby first born) and Beege (my younger Brother)

As we are driving I feel my self getting anxious, but this is about Mum why do I feel guilty? Maybe because of the things I’ve said, written and thought. Mum gave birth to me after all, without me there would be know First Born or Cheeky Monkey. It hurts like shit. That’s how it feels.

I shall stay on the outside and let my Brothers do what they need to do, if it helps them later in their healing of grief.

Confirmation


So yesterday I had the confirmation that Mums cancer is terminal from my elder brother. I told the girls and traveled to Conkies with my younger brother.

Cheeky monkey I had to FaceTime, being due back in a couple of weeks, but know one knows. Firstborn had some tears, Bubba and Conkie where too shocked. As to be expected of cause it’s been one hell of a journey for all of us.

I don’t know how I feel!! Sad, bitter, rejected or numb