This makes me happy


Cheeky monkey traveling in Australia, grabbing life by the balls. To think when she was fifteen she said “Mum I’m never leaving home” well she found her man five years ago at Uni. Pure love ❤️

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Ah I meditated


Been a while due to pneumonia, my bone are so sore so I run myself a lovely sea salt bathe, candle and soft music.

As I lay back my body was in joy and thanking me for taking the time for me.

I closed my eyes and just lay back oh the heat was absorbing. Rooting my self from my feet roots growing out through the math and into Mother Earth. One by one I cleared and cleansed my chakras it’s felt so good, asking my spirit guides friends and family to please step forward if the had a message for me.

To day I packed all my pictures away, wrapping my sister in bubble wrap I said, see you when I’m settled. She was the first to step forward, telling me it’s time to let her go. Our children are now all adults and beautiful humans. Our job is done. She will carry on guiding them all. But now for me it’s my time and I have to let her go. Oh did I cry the pain in my heart I felt so deep. But I too knew the time had come.

Red cloud then stepped forward, saying happyspirit healing will be my way forward once I’m settled in spring 2018 and my life will now move forward. I have to be brace and trust I’m being guided to a more enjoyable meaningful future.

T is still in touch with his ex, he want to spend his life with me but scared of commitment, I need to just stand back and let it take its course.

I then done healing in my right kidney, followed by my left lung, followed by my spine. I can do this.

As I relaxed and came back, tears rolling down my face knowing I had to let Frankie go. I opened my eyes looked at the ceiling and remembered the first night in number 42 laying in the bath thinking how did I get here that was in 2003 Frankie passed in 2000. The children where then 16, 13 x2 and 5. Fourteen years ago our happy family home after Frankie passing.

Now I’m going forward blind, excited, scared but I know I have too.

Oh my days


So I’ve started packing as I’ve completed contracts and need to vacate my home on the 12th December, I’ve done too much as I lay in my bed my mussels contracting and bones feel so brittle.

T is in spain and doing the usual, emailed me to say he’s found a villa and I shouldn’t be stubborn and give up on my dream. He then phoned a couple of hours later saying he’s not sure as the guy seems to be a bit of a plonker!! Says one to the other” next breath saying he has lots to sort out at home to do with the business financial problems VAT etc. I’ve never known someone to contradict them self so much.

I messaged and told him my plans as I can’t rely on him and due to pneumonia it wouldn’t be safe for me to go alone any more as I’d planned so I’m renting a room.

I lay her in my three bed shared ownership home in my dark bedroom again alone not knowing where I’m really going to end up, but for some reason I feel safe and protected. Maybe as I know the kiddies are all good.

Cheeky monkey has just climbed ares rock and now heading south, bubbas working like a horse, first born has a new man, Conkie has settled in to his new home. My job is done!

Pneumonia 4


So tomorrow lunchtime I can go home. Reviewing my week in hospital, just laying in piece and quite without having to comfort someone else. Just absorbing how Ill I actually was my observations when first entering the A&E where septic pneumonia. The stress I put on myself though.

My poor kiddies have heard me for the last three years moaning about the cost of our home especially since my health deteriorating. It’s been our happy home since Francean passed. But looking back it’s bricks and water, I’m sure they’d all rather have a chilled happy Muma that’s always moaning about lack of funds. In fact I wonder if that’s why I have a lack of funds!!

Also reflecting T has gone too, I knew he was wearing me out with broken promises, lies he couldn’t make a decision for himself let alone us. Shame but, more to the reason is why do I allow the behaviour to carry on for so long before having enough? Have I not paid enough! Don’t I deserve to be loved.

Well guess what I could of loss my life in the last week, my children their Muma, my granddaughter her Nana. I will survive and so will my darlings.

Pneumonia 3


Well what another little journey now feeling a lot better in myself had a little visit from big eyed Boo and baby first born. This little girls watch me in and out of hospital the whole of her seven years. Trying to think of a positive and that’s the NHS can make Nana witch better. Plus she gets to play on my bed and push me in a wheelchair bless her