Help please, to understand. 

So in the last four years, I’ve had three relationships! One two years And I moved in with him. A lovely strong man had a army life. Experienced his wife dying from brain cancer, plus testical cancer him self. A worker, a lover but very angry man. But he did love me as I did him. He had a small woodland and built me a camp in the woods as he knew I loved the outside and trees. He looked after me after having discs removed from my neck so well and didn’t make me feel guilty about bedrest.  What went wrong?

Second, I was not looking but a dear friend passed away and at the funeral I saw my first love! The guy that took my virginity (spell check please) we got together a month later, stayed a month in his place in Goa. Went to Bulgaria. Loved each other, a bit of a fairy tale really. But his best friend (a female and ex) took prioraty over me. Aventualy I came to a stage of not wanting this in my life. I did give him a alternation he chose his friend!!
Third, again not looking. After the second I grew some bulls and booked a seven day yoga retreat alone plus three days in alacanti. Big for me as I can’t carry!! Came back liberated! Boom straight into number three. I guy I had not known about his reputation, who was a year above me at school and lived round the corner to me for twelve years. All I knew of him was he also gave healing and seemed a loveable big respectable man and I mean big. 6.4 to be prosise.  The first five months was pure bliss, easy, natural. We could hold hands and meditate. Beautiful! We split first time as he said he didn’t like the way I spoke to him!! I was in pain and yes maybe a bit sharp. But he should know as he’s not worked for three years with a bad back! Me coming up to two.

I booked the Ibiza yoga trip with my Daughter whilst on a split as she needed it as much as me. We reunited our relationship, fly of to Ibiza try to enjoy. Came back to his unhappiness. Dumped again for reasons, I was not ready for coffee in the village and the way I speak, adding people on Facebook blur blur blur

Three weeks have passed and I’ve just realised how he has projected on me what he feels about him self.

So my friends why?

I am coming to believe that my pain has made me less understanding irritable. So all I would right now apprechiate is friends!! Speaking of I’ve just watched a documentary on The Age Of Loneliness!

Wow I managed 11 hours today!

Been up for eleven whole hours, with the damp winter months creeping in. One week back from chilled, calm, slow Ibiza. To being dumped, paperwork coming out my ears blur blur blur.

I’ve met my beautiful cousin, god I love her. I’d love to be her & she’d love to be me. You see it’s all down to you! She’s travelled had one hell of a journey & we where close tonight, just how I remember. Real soul talking.

Dealt with rejection again! Quite mmm! Gossip, presception, judgement & do you know what… more, they are part of my journey, my exception, my exsistance, I have learnt… ! 

Love you x