Anyway, how the weeks can change.
Last week I was full of positive vibes from Beautiful Reiki. Giving Reiki healing is so warm, light, energising my Niese came over for healing after a nasty experience. She loves the spirit world, asking questions on my believes and where to start. She’s started to travel on a loving positive journey I’m so proud of her energy and enthusiasm. my lovely week finished with a bang, not just a bang but a explosion of pent up denial, soul destroying behaviour. Whilst on such strong medication for my spinal Degenerative Disc Disease and Osteoarthritis one MUST NOT DRINK. A beautiful loving family wedding, which ended up with me totally exploding. Like a crack of lightning snapping from the sky’s. Totally humiliating my Three Daughters and other family members. Family where trying to calm me. But in that state I’m like a wild horse totally uncontrollable. Until I caught the step with my toe and face planted. awaking up in hospital with eight stitched to my ear, a face like a jigsaw. My neck was scanned showing a shadow which I believe is the Fusion on C5-6 C7-8 how lucky was I not to undo my Surgeons work. Awaking totally ashamed apologises where need……. friends and family asking how I was, when I truly didn’t deserve their concern. You see the positive that has raised from this, is EXCEPTANCE I can no longer do the thing I use to be able too, with out thinking. Pregabalin, Citalopram and Codeine should not be mixed with alcohol. I have to except this pain will never go away, life changes are needed. I am alive to watch with pride my three Daughter and Grandchildren grow, enjoy their life’s. Which is more than my beautiful Sister that passed at thirty three, very Sudden and unexpected . I may have, never had a Mother or Father that excepted, loved, encourage and guided me. But it’s a lot more than many other have had. My insecurity have grown due to my spinal issues, my surroundings, finances, the endless spitefulness from my Mother. After fifty years I should know better, but I’ve been living in hope. I’m holding on to my house by the skin of my teeth, I can’t let go of my home.
1 – Mobility
2 – Daily Pain
3 – To cut the Cord To my Mother
4 – Loss of income
1 – My Daughters & Granddaughter
2 – My Partner
3 – food in my Belly
4 – NHS
5 – Still have a nice Bottom lol
6 – The Roof over my head
Then to sum my day off, my loving deaf Staffordshire bull terroir has been diagnosed with Cancer. I’ve decided to let her be, being that she’s thirteen. Giving her daily Reiki & love. Her loyalty over the years has been unreal, protecting my Granddaughter a shadow by my side.
Time to pick my self up, brush myself down & make life changes. Because this is know longer about me, but my family. If only I could help them understand how chronic pain frustrates you especially when you’ve been an independent stubborn rat bag like me.
Time to start walking with Trees once more.