Effects Of Narcissistic Parenting

1. Chronic self-blame. Narcissistic parents may or may not be openly abusive, but they’re almost certainly emotionally tone deaf, too preoccupied with their own concerns to hear our pain. Because emotionally sensitive children who long for love can’t simply walk out the door and find a new family, they often nurture hope by sacrificing their self-esteem. “I’m the problem,” they tell themselves. “If I were quieter, calmer, or happier, my mother wouldn’t yell at me, ignore me, or criticize me all the time. If I fix myself, I’ll finally be loved.” Sadly, we often blame ourselves for what’s missing from our lives to preserve a shred of hope.
2. Echoism. If you’re particularly sensitive or empathic by nature, you’re more likely to respond to narcissistic parenting with a stance I call echoism, named after the nymph Echo, who was cursed to repeat back the last few words she heard. Just as Narcissus fell in love with his reflection, Echo fell in love with Narcissus. Narcissistic parents who explode without warning, or collapse in tears any time a child dares to express a need, force sensitive children to take up as little room as possible, as if having any expectations at all is an act of selfishness. Like Echo, echoists struggle to have a voice of their own—and often end up with extremely narcissistic partners.
3. Insecure attachment. Think of secure attachment as our degree of comfort with becoming close to and depending on others in healthy ways. The neglect, abuse, or emotional absence of a narcissistic parent can make us question how safe we are in other people’s hands. Roughly speaking, insecure attachment can take two forms: avoidant attachment, in which we manage our fears by shutting people out (I’ll never risk depending on anyone ever again!) and anxious attachment, where we chase after love, pursuing—sometimes angrily—the connection we long for with our loved ones (Why won’t you pay attention to me!). Whether you become anxious or avoidant depends on a complex combination of temperament and consistency in care and attention, but ongoing neglect tends to create avoidance, and unpredictable attention generally yields anxiety.
4. Need-panic. A related problem is something I call need-panic. Narcissistic parents can make their children terrified of their needs, who bury them by becoming compulsive caretakers or simply falling silent. They may hum along for a while, seeming to need nothing from their partners or friends. Then, a crisis hits, and suddenly—in ways they find deeply unsettling—they call their friends incessantly or seek constant reassurance. The quickest way to eliminate a need, after all, is to get it met immediately; paradoxically, the people most afraid of their needs are apt to seem the most “needy.”
5. Fierce independence. Outgoing, adventurous children may respond to narcissistic parenting by abandoning emotional intimacy altogether, believing that no one can be trusted or relied on. This is impossible to sustain, naturally, and can easily engender intermittent need panic. Alternatively, children with more sensitive temperaments may become compulsively selfless caretakers, as if the only way they can enjoy nurturance is vicariously, by providing others with the warmth and caring they never enjoyed.
6. The parentified child. Temperamentally sensitive children (who are often gifted empaths) can develop a laser-like focus on their parents’—and later, their partners’—needs. They organize their lives around the happiness of others, convinced they have to bolster their parents’ esteem (of course you’re pretty!) or prevent their next explosion (I’ll get your snack, you’re stressed!) by closely minding their every desire or whim. The frightened child turned little adult often grows up to worry endlessly about their selfishness. They may even grow to hate their own needs, viewing them as a burden to others.
7. Extreme narcissism. The more aggressive a child is by nature, the more likely they are to respond to narcissistic parenting by playing a game of if you can’t beat them, join them: “I’ll just make sure I’m the loudest, prettiest, smartest person in the room. That way no one can make me feel unimportant again.” If you’re born with a stubborn, bombastic temperament and exposed to the kind of neglectful or abusive parenting narcissists often provide, you’re more likely to end up narcissistic yourself.
8. Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). The more abusive narcissistic parents become, the more likely they are to traumatize their children. That can lead to a fearful approach to life and to PTSD. Abuse throws us into a state of constant alertness, vigilantly prepared to dodge the next danger. This typically leads to chronic anxiety, sudden memories of abuse, emotional numbing, and even a foreshortened sense of future, in which people become so fixed on simply surviving that they lose the ability to imagine life beyond the present. One client felt certain, for example, that he wouldn’t see his 30th birthday. When living represents a constant threat, there’s no room for a five-year plan. The future becomes nebulous, even opaque, and when that happens, mapping out the next steps in life is like trying to walk through a brick wall.

I must be crazy!

Two weeks since we split due to him going back to his Ex of sixteen years, for the second time behind my back. 

I’ve spent this time, working on myself as I know I’m far from perfect. So I thought I’d put the negatives energy to good use. In my day to day life I forgive, I trust, I love and I continue to grow.  But once I have a drink of wine and don’t know my limits due to medication, my hurt and pain raise it’s nasty head, although I’ve dealt with theses feelings for some reason my subconscious refuses to heal and forget.

Twice this year I’ve found myself on the Shanan path, intrigued as from an early age I’ve always believed in the Red Indian way of life and their beliefs. I’m always attracted to turquoise, believe if we need to kill something then nothing should go to waist, life is a circle and for every natural decease there’s a gift from Mother Nature to cure it. So the first time I started looking into it was January 2017 recovering from my kidney operation and wow that was a tuff one. And now again after a deceitful relationship, strangely enough when I found out, I was so calm I need to ask my kind friend Lisa to help me understand why. Maybe due to my chronic pain raising, I have more things to contend with. 

What was the reason, I ask?

Again, he cheats! Out and about after a loving day and fun night.  synchronization happens again, whilst in the supermarket with him, then a woman walks in. I look as I seem to know her our eyes glaze at each other, then she walks over. I was more shocked at her language than what she had to say.  Anyway she told me he spent the weekend with her and Monday and Thursday. And to think Friday he bought his son round about renting my house whilst we live in spain!! What a human. But the universe helped synchronization for my heart and future. 

My reaction was zero, I still went back to his, calm and remained calm. The next day I went home and even cooked him a roast. We spoke a little, he tried to put the blame on her, when in real he’s played us both, I feel for her 16 years in a angry disfunctional relationship “On Off, On Off”

He popped round Thursday, to say he’s not slept since last Friday and his guilt is killing him, he knows I could never trust his word again, still remaining calm if anything felt for him and the actions he seems to have done wrong by many people in his life that it’s lead him to sleepless nights and alcohol.

House going back on the market, I do believe that I unsubconsciously I’ve been looking for someone that I could fall in love with that maybe as one we could save this home, the home which is the happy place and core of my family since the passing of my sister. All four children have lived here but now all moved on with their own life’s. 

Now I shall grab it, sell it and embrace my new future. 

Got to brake the circle 

When will I learn! I fall fast and hard in love and this has to be the last time, who would of thought falling in love could effect your health.

Met this guy back in February 2017 we knew each other back in the eighties anyway the thing was that we both had plans to sell our homes and move to Spain it was like the universe had put him in front of me on purpose.

Four months in and he’s been unfaith which I found out by mistake. So broken, not by him so much but by myself choosing a rebel with a ego once again. Anyway I decided to forgive him and move on, as it was with his ex with sixteen years history.

He’s now sold his house I’ve helped him move into his flat with no mortgage and he’s settled. Looking at my own life jeez 2017 kidney operation back in January. Had my plan to sell due to debt and benefits, but guess what? Yep still here. 

Thinking of words: if it Doesn’t work out you can go back to plan A. Now he’s wanting to rent in spain and not buy. Advising to keep my shared ownership home as a base and put his son here to rent one room. If I can’t get over him being unfaithful he’d rather go alone, he was going to rent his flat out but now not sure!

Why do I attract these men and why do I put so much of my energy into them? When  living with chronic pain and fatigue?

I’m so scared and maybe over analysed things but still at fifty three can’t get it right, someone to love me for me without being a doormat! 

Thursday I gave a dear friend reiki and guided meditation on letting go and self worth it was beautiful to feel I’d helped someone. But yet I also help the wrong ones at a cost to my health.

I also had a call from mother well two hours, explaining why she’s buying her next home in my brothers name. Blur blur blur as usual it ended up with me having to put the phone down for every running me down fifty three years of it!  she gave birth to me at sixteen I’m blamed for taking her life and my beautiful deceased sisters children. My sister would have done the same for me had I died at a young age leaving my children motherless. My mum I’m afraid is a narstistis Mother and treated my sister and myself the same, where our brothers could do no wrong. To top it off she’s also a alcoholic. I’ve tried so many times for her exceptans but now come to terms this will never happen.

So all in all a very emotional week. Do I go forward with this man that’s not excacley bring anything to my life! Although he’s purchased a holiday to Spain for us both in two weeks, also to get our NI numbers and Spanish bank accounts. Which I will need either way.

Sat in bed on a Saturday morning 10.04 with out the energy to get up. The kiddies keep me going all four of them I’m so proud of them all.