I can feel the hurt 


I can feel it slipping away, as I stand and here my knees about to collapse like Sunday when I started to stand up  

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Five weeks, until I move to where l?


Al of a sudden it’s dawned on me I have five weeks to move out of my house.

I found panic strike shit where am I to live, I’ve had empty promises from he I forgave after going back to his ex three times. Now he has another good idea!! So I made an appointment to view a two bed flat up the road in the high street, lovely flats and location but two flights of stairs and no lift, just to get to the front door so that was a no no can’t manage one.

He phoned to see who I viewed with, in no one but myself. Well I ended up snapping then sending a text to explain my three options in black and white. 

Another viewing tomorrow one bed but with a balcony. Shared ownership and you don’t get a word 

How do you make such a large Decision? Help appreciated 


So my shared ownership home is underoffer and in the hands of solicitors. Reason being, due to my health and disability I have over time got into debt. Now all my children have left and have their own life’s to lead it’s also a empty nest. Once the sale go’s through I will leave with a lump of money but not enough to buy. As I’m on benefits, they will end until my equity is down to £6k in other words I will have to live on my equity. It breaks my heart as this home is still the HOME. My debt aren’t high compared to others in total £6k. I worked so hard as a one parent family to keep this happy home. 

So I can move in to my man friends place for a while and do winter months in Spain (better for my health) and if we work I could maybe get a rent to buy having a biggish deposit. That way I’m safeguarding my equity. 

Or go it alone, dead rent but who knows what’s round the corner? 

Or cancel the sale on his word, rent his place out, as he mortgage free which would cover my mortgage and a winter rent in spain. But this would mean him moving in, which would be great if only I can trust his word!!!

You see he’s been unfaithful twice and I’ve forgiven him! It was his ex of 16 years and I know in my heart he has no future with her as they’ve not lived together for over twelve years. An on off toxic relationship. I believe it’s a phyisical attraction. He takes her to nice expensive places in return for sex. He’s sixty years old but when together we really enjoy each others company, laugh, eat the same foods and have the same dreams.

So what the hell am I going to do, this home will be worth a bomb in the future it has so much prudential. 

Oh Dear!


Sat here and right now I should be in spain looking at long term let in spain.

My gut told me he didn’t really want to go due to work etc!!!!

I invited him round for diner as I need to speak face to face.

I wanted to make sure I got my name off our joint bank account. But to be true to myself I would of just hated being there for a week with him. So I let him speed he didn’t want to go due to work either. I can read him like a book. So as he went back once more to his ex for sex. I showed him the door. 

Rejection!!!!! My life